Ayír ❄️

CHAPTER 1: A Rare Cosmic Event

Halley’s comet is visible from earth for a very short period of time, and you can only see it in every 75 years. This cosmic event is so rare that it can only be witnessed once, and twice if you’re very very lucky, in one’s lifetime.
On the night of the appearance of the Halley’s comet, Rudy was traveling in a train. Unaware of this cosmic happening, he was lost in his writing. His pen was rolling unbridled on his pitch black journal. It was rather hard to write and concentrate with the train moving so fast but he has to write it down as he tend to forget the fragile thoughts when he wakes up.
The train stopped at the station, Rudy took a sigh of relief as finally he could be able to write comfortably.
A girl with cat eye framed prescription glasses entered into his compartment. As she settled in, Rudy cheekily noticed her beautiful long black hair like velvet drapes from bedroom of some fancy hotel in Paris. She sat in front of him on her seat as Rudy continued his writing. The train started with a push and within a minute or two, it catches its full speed back again.

“Ugh! ” cried Rudy. “ I hate when the trains moves so violently, why can’t they be smooth?.”

The girl nodded with some hesitation as Rudy tried to catch her half stare. Rudy couldn’t get out her eyes from his mind m. They were like those tempting black round pebbles frozen in lake, a gateway to an unknown enchanting universe.
The girl tried to look out the glass window as Rudy stopped writing and stare stupidly at her soft round face like flower made up of ice, like a snowflake.

“What are you looking out in dark ? ” Rudy asked the girl in soft tone.

“Don’t you know?” the girl replied in a soft voice as she continued,
“it’s Halley’s Comet night.”

“Oh shit!,” Rudy shook his head in disbelief. “Is it today?, I mean tonight.”

“Yes, but it’s okay though.” the girl replied. “You can’t really see much outside the window.”

“So I guess we’re going to miss this rare universal event.” Rudy replied with a half confused smile.

“Oh sorry! I’m Rudy.” Rudy forwarded his hand in haste.

“I’m Ayír.” replied the girl shaking his hand gently.

As they both seated in front of each other with the air growing heavier between them with awkward silence.

“I forget everything,” Rudy broke the silence as he continued by pointing out his journal,“ That’s why I write.”

“What do you write about?” Ayír asked.

“Not much, mostly about my thoughts.” said Rudy,“ they are easy to sway and that’s why I like to catch them.”
“Like Pokémons” he added with a broad smile on his face.

As he was telling her about his journal, a sudden existential drift arose in his mind, about the purpose of his writing. Why is that he is writing for? And while he was lost in his mind without realizing he was staring blankly at Ayír’s face, She asked him something that he couldn’t hear.

“What?“ cried Rudy. Coming out of his mind.

“Can I read it,” repeated Ayír. “Your journal.”

Rudy was quite surprised by the that someone in this whole wide world of billions of people has asked him the question that he thought no one ever will. And just like that on this rare night of Halley’s appearance, his journal has found a reason for it’s existence, it has found a reader. Trying to hide his excitement, which was bursting out of his timid face, he asked in both confusion and with excitement.

“Why would you want to read it? I’m just a stupid guy, who writes stupid things about his shitty life and this stupid world.“

“If it’s okay with you,” Ayír said in a hesitation.
“I really do want to read it.”

Now Rudy ponders about it deeper and deeper. His excitement has now turned into fear. He starts to think about what she would think of him when she will read all this crazy stuff that he was writing about. He was too paranoid inside but he was trying to hide it on surface, but as usually he was failing miserably.

“Okay,” Rudy replied in a hesitant voice with a half smile. “But I tell you it’s so dark, so please don’t judge me.”

“No, I will not.” promised Ayír with a subtle smile growing across his cotton candy cheeks.

Rudy handled his journal to Ayír. As she opened, she was quite surprised of the fact that it was completely black, even its pages.

“Why it’s all black?” asked Ayír quizzically.

“I told you earlier, it’s dark.” replied Rudy with a poised look on his face.

“Yeah, but I didn’t thought it would be this dark.” said Ayír.

“It’s because it contain a lot of pain.” sighed Rudy gushing out air of his lungs as he stared out the window looking at his own soft reflection.

“But you were writing when I came.” asked Ayír. “Now I can’t see anything, it’s all empty.”

Rudy stayed silent for a moment, as he was looking at the window. He turned and uttered,

“You can never read about pain, only feel it.

Ayír smiled and shook her head in agreement. There’s a word in English for such acknowledgment, it’s called “touché”. “

Are you ?” she asked Rudy.

“Are you what ?“ Rudy gave her a confused look.

She resisted for a second, as she was too hesitant for asking him such personal question, but she replied in a low voice.

”…in pain ?“

Rudy was so lost in his thoughts, in black hole of his mind. He has lost all the context of their talk.

“No, I’m in a train.” he replied.

Ayír shook her head in disbelief. At this particular moment she thought Rudy was a completely stupid or he has some issues.

“Never mind.“ She said.

CHAPTER 2: Stupid and the Milkshake

There was a sudden knock on the door of their train compartment. It was the assistant asking them for the dinner. Ayír went to the restaurant they have over inside the train, and Rudy went to the restroom to freshen up after she left.
Rudy then also headed to eat something. Through the hallway of the train, he could see her sitting on a table alone wandering into a world of here own inside her mind. While walking to the restaurant, Rudy caught her stare and he smiled and waved at her. She smiled back and waved back at him, as he walked fast towards her, he abruptly smashed his nose into the glass door that was standing firm between him and Ayír. Rudy quickly fixes his nose and try to get in conscious of what just had happened and felt very embarrassed of her watching him. But then he saw her laughing softly, a kind of laugh he wouldn’t mind crashing into a thousand of glass door for a sight of it. With an embarrassed smile over his face, Rudy entered into the restaurant.
Ayír was laughing softly but then felt sorry for him so she invited him to join her on the table. An awkward silence filled up again, but this time it was Ayír who broke it.

“How’s your nose?” trying not to laugh she asked him. “It looked like a terrible crash from here.”

“It’s fine,” Rudy replied in an embarrassed tone. “it still hurts though.”
“I totally humiliated myself back there.” he added.

“No!” she said. “it was completely accidental. that door is way too clearer than the other doors.”
She tried to make things less awkward for Rudy as they were already.

“Did you had your dinner?” he asked.

“No I came here to eat, but I’m not really hungry.”  Ayír replied.

Rudy called the waiter.  Ayír scanned through the menu and said,
“I’ll just have the Oreo shake, please.”

“Aren’t those the biscuits?” asked Rudy with a clueless face.

Ayír  thought maybe he was completely mad or he just don’t know anything about it. But whatever the case, she really can’t do anything about it.

“Yes they are, but they made the milkshake out of it.” she said.” you should try it, it’s really delicious.”

Rudy knew for sure the biscuits are good so he ordered one for himself too.

“Weird world.” he uttered while waiting for their order. “one makes a thing and the other makes it into another. It’s frightening you see, our existence, there are no rules to live by to. we are just here to create what we live until we die.”

Ayír nodded as she thought that although he sometimes act quite weird but for sure he talk sense at times as well. He was a mixture of both confusion and certainty.

She reminded Rudy of earlier when they were talking about his journal and the pain it hold. She was quite resistant of asking him such private question but she asked him anyway that whether he is in pain or not. Rudy thought for a moment and said he is in pain or he was in, he could never be sure about. Ayír replied that she could also never be sure of it too, about this thing called pain but surely to understand it first, one must experience it.

Waiter brought their shakes. Rudy took a skeptical look as he tried it for the very first time. He gave Ayír a dubious look before sipping it. As he took a sip he didn’t let go of it and he went on and on until he finished the whole glass.
Ayír laughed as she watched him finishing his shake in such an amusing manner. As soon as he finished his glass, he asked Ayír,
“Can I take yours as well?”

Ayír laughed and nodded.

“Thanks!” Rudy uttered as he grabs her glass as well and finished it in one sip as well. Ayír kept on laughing slowly on Rudy’s whimsical behavior.

CHAPTER 3 : A Pleasant View 

Ayír kept on looking outside the train window, staring long enough into the darkness.
“I wish I could see the Halley’s comet.” she said suddenly.

“at what time it will appear? “ asked Rudy.

Ayír looked down at her watch and replied,” In 10 mins maybe, a very short period of time.”

“just give me 5 minutes.” Rudy got up and rushed out of the compartment leaving Ayír completely baffled. As she starts to thought what he might be doing now, the train stopped suddenly. With loud running footsteps approaching, the compartment’s door swung open and Rudy, out of his breath,whispered,
“Let’s go!”

As soon as she could thought and ask him what’s been going on, Rudy took her to the end of the compartment. With the help of side handles, he quickly climb up to the top the train compartment and leaned down his hand for her to climb up too.

“What are you doing?” Ayír asked in bafflement.

“Hurry up!” Rudy cried. “There isn’t much time to waste.”

She gave him puzzled look as he was leaning down his hand for her.

“Do you trust me?” asked Rudy gazing into her deep dark shiny eyes.

Ayír took a moment and said,”No!”

“Great!” Rudy smiled,”I don’t trust myself either.”

Ayír gave him her hand and he pulled her up to the open on the train’s compartment. He took her to the middle of the compartment’s roof and sat down there with her. He looked at his watch and asked her to look up in the sky.

“Are we watching the halley’s comet?” She asked hysterically.

“Indeed we are, mademoiselle.” Rudy replied with broad smile across his cheeks.

They sat in silence, but it wasn’t awkward now. It was more peaceful now, where there was nothing more to add or less, everything was just perfect. They looked up to the night sky as they sat under the blanket of trillions of stars, smiling and hiding dreams and fears as they live and breathe.
Rudy took a deep breathe and said slowly, “from which stars have we fallen to meet each other here?”
Ayír smiled as Rudy fell into thinking in his anxious dark mind.

“I ran away from my home, I’m a disgrace to my parents, my father hates me, and there’s nothing that I do that makes them happy.” Rudy uttered piercing through the silence.

Ayír looked at him and while holding his hand, she said, “This is life not heaven, you don’t have to be perfect.”

Rudy smiled with teary eyes, and suddenly it appeared. A giant snowball in the night sky, just above the horizon.

“Look!” Ayír cried while pointing towards the Halley’s comet.
As Ayír was looking at the comet in amazement, Rudy saw the light in her eyes. A kind of light that you see in someone’s eyes when they’re excited or when they tell you about something they love.

“We should wish something.” she said in excitement.

“go on then..” rudy smiled while looking at her.
As she closed her eyes and wished, Rudy looked at her innocent face and tried to remember every detail he could remember as if he was standing in front of an artwork in the Louvre museum. It was as if there was nothing more he could wish for in that moment than to be with her. In that moment he felt unfathomable.
She opened her eyes with a smile and Rudy could sense her smile in the air through the darkness and he could only think how could she just sit here, smile and look so beautiful among so many stars. They both sat and watched the Halley’s comet as it disappear like all the other great bright beautiful things that fade with time and never came back.

Then they quickly ran to the end of the compartment and came down of the roof of the train.

“How did you stop the train though ?” Ayír asked.

“I pulled the chain from different compartment.” Rudy replied with a wink.

“Sorry, I drank your Oreo shake earlier.” said Rudy by pulling out his tounge.

“Sorry, I thought you were mad.” said Ayír in a sarcastic tone.

Rudy looked puzzled, as Ayír grabbed his hand as they walked slowly towards their compartment.




The Pain

I knew this was going to happen.
So I’m not blaming you for falling out of love with me.
I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not.
I just feel pain.
A lot of pain.
I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.

Sleeping Pill – Gulzar

Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai
Jaise chalta tha jab tum thi..

Raat bhi waise hi sar moonde aati hai
Din waise hi aankhen malta jaagta hai ..

Taare saari raat jamhaaiyan lete hain
Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai
Jaise chalta tha jab tum thi…

Kaash tumhare jaane par
Kuch fark toh padta jeene mein..

Pyaas na lagti panni ki
Ya naakhun badhna band ho jate..

Baal hawa main na udte
Ya dhuaan nikalta saanson se..

Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai…

Bas itna fark pada hai meri raaton main
Neend nhi aati to ab sone ke liye Ik Neend ki Goli roj nigalni padti hai.

_ Gulzar

Tere Bina. – Gulzar.

“तेरे बिना चाँद का सोना, खोटा रे
पीली-पीली धूल उंड़ावे झूठा रे
तेरे बिना सोना पीतल
तेरे संग कीकर पीपल
आजा…. काटे ना रतियाँ.

तेरे बिना बेसुवादी,   बेसुवादी रतियाँ
ओ सजना,
रूखी रे ओ रूखी रे,
काटूँ रे कटे, कटे ना…”

– Gulzar.

though it is near impossible to translate
the pureness of the words of Gulzar but here’s the Rough Translation:

“Without you the moonlight appears fake
everything is false, like dust in my eyes,
without you, the gold seemed to be brass,
with you, the wild bush turn to green grass.

Without you the nights has lost their meaning,
O beloved.
the night’s are plain cold, comeback
I cannot seems to pass through these nights. ”


Sunshine under The Fountain. -pleiades.

A hot morning, I was alone at an under-constructed house. While listening to my songs, I was looking at the landscape of this far off village from the city. There were no buildings but small houses and fields full of nothing but wild little plants. I could see mountains and also sand dunes like structures. As I was standing and staring the place like a Lighthouse in the dessert, some labors came and started doing their work on this under-constructed house. I don’t talk to people unnecessarily but if they want something I always tries to help them as much possible ways as I can. Some more labor came later in the morning and they started for preparing for the work. I particularly noticed a small little girl who couldn’t even walk or stand properly. Her hair were tied like a small fountain and she was so little that I couldn’t take my eyes off from this little miss sunshine. As it looked, her mother was a labor for sure and she was not much of the age maybe a year or two older than me or might be same as me. But here is she, working under the hot sun, in the midst of dust, cement, construction machines, iron rods, hammers and other heavy not-so-very-nice things with her 6 months little daughter. I was sitting on the chair and looking her mother was trying to feed her some food before she starts doing the work. Even though she could walk, she was unstoppable. Crawling on the ground full of stones and dirt, she was not sitting in a place. She didn’t needed her feet to walk, she was flying like a restless butterfly and the young mother kept on bringing her back, close to her, where she was eating her food before the labor works starts. Crawling with one leg straight and other bended she came towards me and restricted her from going further, I wanted to hold her in my arms but to be honest I was very shy and surely her mother would have thought that I was the boss there with clean clothes and high standards, who wouldn’t want a dirty labor child near him. The young mother took her away from there as she has to start the work, and I was felt embarrassed. She wash the bowl in which she ate the food, with mud and some water and kept it near her stuff and then she brought a wooden log and placed it slanted to the side of a vehicle. She tied a piece of cloth and made a swing for her daughter but she didn’t put her inside and kept her free near the shade of the vehicle and went for the laboring work in the construction of the house. I stood up from the chair and went to the little girl playing with stone in the shade of the vehicle. I sat down on the ground near her and watch after her as her mother work. I started playing with her, making weird faces and noises and making her laugh, the sweetest sound that could make you forget the heat of sun or noises those heavy machines are making. She went crawling under the vehicle and hides behind the tyre. She sneaks through the tyre, then looks at me and hides again laughing behind it. This goes on for a while, then a labor man came to me and said, “Why are you sitting on the ground, sir? Should I brought the chair here?” I smiled and told him that would not be necessary as I was much comfortable playing with that little miss sunshine on the ground than I would ever be on any comfortable chair. As I was busy in the little chat, she crawled towards her mother, where she was working, taking sand to the mixer on her head where it was mixed with stones and cement. She went there and started crying, the young mother took back to the vehicle where I was already sitting on the ground. She put her inside the cradle, she made with the wooden log tied with a piece of cloth by placing it slanted to the vehicle. She has to go back to work, so she asked me if could swing her to sleep, I went near the cradle, sat there with a smile saying that I will. She went back and I started giving little swings to her cradle but the little sunshine didn’t wanted to sleep, she tried and tried to came out of the cradle and I kept on swinging telling her, “Your mum’s got to work, be a nice girl, go to sleep, please.” That cloth of that made-up-cradle had holes from where I could see her staring at me with her big twinkling eyes with tears as I spoke to her. After some time she slept. I got up and went to find the nearest shop in that village which was quite far, I bought a chocolate for her and a cold drink for myself and came back. She was still sleeping, I drank my cold drink and kept on swinging her cradle even though she was asleep. I finished my drink and I was too shy to tell her mother that I brought a chocolate for her daughter so I kept it inside her cradle and went to home without telling.
Next morning I went there quite late, and I was amazed as I saw her again there. Some work had left so some labors had come again to finish the work. I unlocked the door, they took the tools and started preparing for work. The young mother took a tub in which she carry sand, and filled it with water and put the little sunshine in it. She started laughing and splashing the water and I was watching her from the distance sitting over the wooden ranch. I was thinking how happy she is bathing in that tub in the midst of the all these dirt, stones, noises, smoke and machines. After sometime her mother put her in that made up cradle so that she could and she went to sleep. I took a walk in the fields of village while listening to saddest collection of music I had, I am never happy these days, just little sad or more sad or just ignoring being sad, there’s no other way around to live. That’s is why I keen to find little happiness in this cold world which I found in least expected places like for instance in the moments playing with little miss sunshine. As I was walking, near a temple I saw a man training his horse, I kept on looking how he trains that horse. After sometime he came to me and ask if I want to ride it, I was the only one around there. I said no, I told him that the horse might went berserk and throw me off his back. The man told me that he was training the horse for the local horse race in the village. After a little chat, I went back to the under-constructing house. The little miss sunshine was awake and was playing on the ground while her mother was having lunch. They offered me tea, and I politely told them that I didn’t like tea. I sat near little sunshine and I gave her a small toy with smiley little yellow face on it that I brought for her. Now she can play with a toy not with stones while her mother works. Her mother then put her into that cradle again and went off to work again. She started crying, I came near her and started making faces and making weird noises, she started laughing and giggling. She then tried to come out of the cradle and I tried to put her back but she was not ready to sleep, so I took her out in my arms and took her off for a walk in the fields while her mother watched and smiled at us. I gave her that toy again, she played with that, I took her to see the horses, she stared them like she’s watching some kind of alien, and I wondered what was going through inside of her mind. She laughed and giggled when I talk to her and I felt like the funniest guy in the deserted land. We came from the walk, I put her inside the cradle and slowly swing her to sleep. And when she slept, I came home. On my way home I thought how beautiful is these little moments of life that went pass like a wind and most of the time unnoticed, and maybe these little things are not just little, they’re much more bigger, we just need a little different heart for that. A heart that most of us had forgotten inside.
I wonder if she grew up and saw me in the future, would I recognize her? I never asked her name, but she remained for me the little miss sunshine under the hair fountain.