The Pain

I knew this was going to happen.
So I’m not blaming you for falling out of love with me.
I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not.
I just feel pain.
A lot of pain.
I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.

Sleeping Pill – Gulzar

Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai
Jaise chalta tha jab tum thi..

Raat bhi waise hi sar moonde aati hai
Din waise hi aankhen malta jaagta hai ..

Taare saari raat jamhaaiyan lete hain
Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai
Jaise chalta tha jab tum thi…

Kaash tumhare jaane par
Kuch fark toh padta jeene mein..

Pyaas na lagti panni ki
Ya naakhun badhna band ho jate..

Baal hawa main na udte
Ya dhuaan nikalta saanson se..

Sab kuch waise hi chalta hai…

Bas itna fark pada hai meri raaton main
Neend nhi aati to ab sone ke liye Ik Neend ki Goli roj nigalni padti hai.

_ Gulzar

Tere Bina. – Gulzar.

“तेरे बिना चाँद का सोना, खोटा रे
पीली-पीली धूल उंड़ावे झूठा रे
तेरे बिना सोना पीतल
तेरे संग कीकर पीपल
आजा…. काटे ना रतियाँ.

तेरे बिना बेसुवादी,   बेसुवादी रतियाँ
ओ सजना,
रूखी रे ओ रूखी रे,
काटूँ रे कटे, कटे ना…”

– Gulzar.

though it is near impossible to translate
the pureness of the words of Gulzar but here’s the Rough Translation:

“Without you the moonlight appears fake
everything is false, like dust in my eyes,
without you, the gold seemed to be brass,
with you, the wild bush turn to green grass.

Without you the nights has lost their meaning,
O beloved.
the night’s are plain cold, comeback
I cannot seems to pass through these nights. ”

 

Sunshine under The Fountain. -pleiades.

A hot morning, I was alone at an under-constructed house. While listening to my songs, I was looking at the landscape of this far off village from the city. There were no buildings but small houses and fields full of nothing but wild little plants. I could see mountains and also sand dunes like structures. As I was standing and staring the place like a Lighthouse in the dessert, some labors came and started doing their work on this under-constructed house. I don’t talk to people unnecessarily but if they want something I always tries to help them as much possible ways as I can. Some more labor came later in the morning and they started for preparing for the work. I particularly noticed a small little girl who couldn’t even walk or stand properly. Her hair were tied like a small fountain and she was so little that I couldn’t take my eyes off from this little miss sunshine. As it looked, her mother was a labor for sure and she was not much of the age maybe a year or two older than me or might be same as me. But here is she, working under the hot sun, in the midst of dust, cement, construction machines, iron rods, hammers and other heavy not-so-very-nice things with her 6 months little daughter. I was sitting on the chair and looking her mother was trying to feed her some food before she starts doing the work. Even though she could walk, she was unstoppable. Crawling on the ground full of stones and dirt, she was not sitting in a place. She didn’t needed her feet to walk, she was flying like a restless butterfly and the young mother kept on bringing her back, close to her, where she was eating her food before the labor works starts. Crawling with one leg straight and other bended she came towards me and restricted her from going further, I wanted to hold her in my arms but to be honest I was very shy and surely her mother would have thought that I was the boss there with clean clothes and high standards, who wouldn’t want a dirty labor child near him. The young mother took her away from there as she has to start the work, and I was felt embarrassed. She wash the bowl in which she ate the food, with mud and some water and kept it near her stuff and then she brought a wooden log and placed it slanted to the side of a vehicle. She tied a piece of cloth and made a swing for her daughter but she didn’t put her inside and kept her free near the shade of the vehicle and went for the laboring work in the construction of the house. I stood up from the chair and went to the little girl playing with stone in the shade of the vehicle. I sat down on the ground near her and watch after her as her mother work. I started playing with her, making weird faces and noises and making her laugh, the sweetest sound that could make you forget the heat of sun or noises those heavy machines are making. She went crawling under the vehicle and hides behind the tyre. She sneaks through the tyre, then looks at me and hides again laughing behind it. This goes on for a while, then a labor man came to me and said, “Why are you sitting on the ground, sir? Should I brought the chair here?” I smiled and told him that would not be necessary as I was much comfortable playing with that little miss sunshine on the ground than I would ever be on any comfortable chair. As I was busy in the little chat, she crawled towards her mother, where she was working, taking sand to the mixer on her head where it was mixed with stones and cement. She went there and started crying, the young mother took back to the vehicle where I was already sitting on the ground. She put her inside the cradle, she made with the wooden log tied with a piece of cloth by placing it slanted to the vehicle. She has to go back to work, so she asked me if could swing her to sleep, I went near the cradle, sat there with a smile saying that I will. She went back and I started giving little swings to her cradle but the little sunshine didn’t wanted to sleep, she tried and tried to came out of the cradle and I kept on swinging telling her, “Your mum’s got to work, be a nice girl, go to sleep, please.” That cloth of that made-up-cradle had holes from where I could see her staring at me with her big twinkling eyes with tears as I spoke to her. After some time she slept. I got up and went to find the nearest shop in that village which was quite far, I bought a chocolate for her and a cold drink for myself and came back. She was still sleeping, I drank my cold drink and kept on swinging her cradle even though she was asleep. I finished my drink and I was too shy to tell her mother that I brought a chocolate for her daughter so I kept it inside her cradle and went to home without telling.
Next morning I went there quite late, and I was amazed as I saw her again there. Some work had left so some labors had come again to finish the work. I unlocked the door, they took the tools and started preparing for work. The young mother took a tub in which she carry sand, and filled it with water and put the little sunshine in it. She started laughing and splashing the water and I was watching her from the distance sitting over the wooden ranch. I was thinking how happy she is bathing in that tub in the midst of the all these dirt, stones, noises, smoke and machines. After sometime her mother put her in that made up cradle so that she could and she went to sleep. I took a walk in the fields of village while listening to saddest collection of music I had, I am never happy these days, just little sad or more sad or just ignoring being sad, there’s no other way around to live. That’s is why I keen to find little happiness in this cold world which I found in least expected places like for instance in the moments playing with little miss sunshine. As I was walking, near a temple I saw a man training his horse, I kept on looking how he trains that horse. After sometime he came to me and ask if I want to ride it, I was the only one around there. I said no, I told him that the horse might went berserk and throw me off his back. The man told me that he was training the horse for the local horse race in the village. After a little chat, I went back to the under-constructing house. The little miss sunshine was awake and was playing on the ground while her mother was having lunch. They offered me tea, and I politely told them that I didn’t like tea. I sat near little sunshine and I gave her a small toy with smiley little yellow face on it that I brought for her. Now she can play with a toy not with stones while her mother works. Her mother then put her into that cradle again and went off to work again. She started crying, I came near her and started making faces and making weird noises, she started laughing and giggling. She then tried to come out of the cradle and I tried to put her back but she was not ready to sleep, so I took her out in my arms and took her off for a walk in the fields while her mother watched and smiled at us. I gave her that toy again, she played with that, I took her to see the horses, she stared them like she’s watching some kind of alien, and I wondered what was going through inside of her mind. She laughed and giggled when I talk to her and I felt like the funniest guy in the deserted land. We came from the walk, I put her inside the cradle and slowly swing her to sleep. And when she slept, I came home. On my way home I thought how beautiful is these little moments of life that went pass like a wind and most of the time unnoticed, and maybe these little things are not just little, they’re much more bigger, we just need a little different heart for that. A heart that most of us had forgotten inside.
I wonder if she grew up and saw me in the future, would I recognize her? I never asked her name, but she remained for me the little miss sunshine under the hair fountain.

-pleiades.

Agar Tum Sath Ho. -Irshad Kamil (Tamasha Movie)

पल भर ठहर जाओ,
दिल ये सम्भल जाऐ,
कैसे तुम्हें रोका करूँ…

मेरी तरफ़ आता,
हर ग़म फिसल जाऐ,
आँखों में तुमको भरूँ…

बिन बोले बातें, तुमसे करूँ
अगर तुम साथ हो…

-Irshad Kamil. (Tamasha Movie)

cts

Lutna – Irshad Kamil

लोग है खाते क़सम वफ़ा की,
मैंं ज़हर हिज़र दा खाया
लोग ग़वादें दिल इश्क़ में,
मैंनें अपना आप गँवाया 
फिर भी मेरा कुछ ना हाये मेरे सोने यार को भाया ।